Not Here

I’m not here though I was
Here not there
But now I’m there not here
It’s easier to be there than here
I tried my hardest to be here
I thought if I was good enough
It would be enough
To have a spark of love
I didn’t want much
Just a spark
Brief promise of possibility
Before the dark
There never was a promise
I found that out too late
The possibility never a reality
Your darkness was the certainty
I tried my hardest to make you see
But you were blind to me
I came up close to help you see
You shut your eyes to me
I just wanted to be seen
One look would have kept me here
Was that so wrong?
One look to be seen
Not seen, not here
Not good enough
It’s easier to be there
Unseen invisible
My body’s here not there
I’m there not here
In shadow where I’m safe
Behind my body’s wall
I’ve lived in the shadow lands
Purgatory of emptiness
I’ve grown used to obscurity
Vampired by your darkness
Stay here
Don’t journey to the shadow lands
It’s a long way back

From there to here

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